It is turkey funny how life is. Last year at this time I was talking or typing about relationships and how being a chef affects them. Or in was just typing about relationships in general. This year has been a definite growing experience for me. I have grown in the area of relationships and finding balance with work. I have a new job that they seem to appreciate what I do. There are 5 outlets at this hotel and a whole bunch of employees tom watch over to make sure they are doing their jobs. A lot of opportunity to lose food, because of theft or improper rotation of the prepped product. I have done a lot of reflection over the past year. I want to find out why I move from job to job, and then realize that I am sold a bag of shit. I also have realized that I cannot lay all my cards out in one hand. I have to think like I am playing chess, I have to figure the move out before it happens, it is time to watch and learn, and suck the pride in. I have made a commitment to be a chef, and the best chef I can be. In order to that I have to open my mind to what is out there for me to learn. I have to become a sponge to absorb as much as I can.
Lots and lot of reading going on for me. Trying to make my self a better person. Reading on all the subjects that I do not know about. Don't want to say, reading on the subjects that arebmy negative. Thatbis not the way to look at things. I am looking to be positive and that is what I am focused on. You, cannot fault someone for trying to make themselves better. I have looked at the following subjects to make me a better person; balance as far as time management, budgeting and spending, me (my wants and needs for my life), and cooking. I have written my menu for my own restaurant but after working at the country club, I realize that it might not excute the proper way. I have learn to look at the labor matrix of owning a business and how to control that realm. It doesn't help if you always need to have a mim staff of 4 people to excute a menu. It has also made me focus innthe prodcution of the prep and space that you need to store such products. It is one thing that you can write a menu, it is another thing to run a profit not only from the food aspect of it but from a labor aspect. And let's not forget about the excution of the menu. People will only wait so long before they start getting upset. It has also made me realize that you need to make sure your people know what they are doing. The old saying, a good person is hard to find, well that screams at me. There are so many people I. This line of work that are in it because they depend upon the fast cash to full there drug addiction or what ever their vise is. You have to work on your people skills as well, how else are you going to get the best out of your employees. Being an ogre is not the way to be, gaining respect by doing the same job is the way to really get your employee to become engaged at work.
In the end what I do the most is think about food. I live to eat not eat to live, just like my old boss says. I have to reread what it is to be a basic cook. Reteach myself about the meaning of cuisine. Embrace French cuisine for what it is, the precursor to what you do today as chefs. I have to reprogram my thinking that, one has to know how to do the classics backwards and forwards to become a great chef. How does one learn how to run, they start by crawling, then walking and finally running. How does one cook the perfect egg. Well, the question should be whatbis the perfect egg? My perfect is not yours is it. When a chef says cut me ...you should reply in which way would you have me cut it. Or, please show me and I will cut it that way for you. But getting back to the egg. We know that the egg white is 90% water and the yolk is another 80%. We know the two cook or coagulate differently. The egg white coagulates at 120 to 135 and the egg yolk around 140. Knowing this basic knowledge we can then realize that is the reason we can have eggs over easy or eggs over hard. Or knowing how much water they have we can then realize why egg whites are used in flour less cakes, the moisture produces steam! Hence souffles were born. See, we should have paid more attention in chemistry and science class when we were in school. Cooking is not only a passion but a science!
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
2C
Well, it is off another wild adventure for me. I have a new job, I am out of the Country Club life and now in the Hotel life again. It is much different being in the hotel setting. There are a lot of outlets to manage,and the guests you have in front of you are only there a brief time. You have to really be on your A game to make that lasting positive impression with these types of people. Some are business people, some are families. It only takes a very small thing to turn their experience into a negative. There are so many opportunities to drop the ball. You may over order or under order in either cases it can bite you in the ass. I have challenged myself ever time I go into work, I push myself to the breaking point and than beyond. I am using everything I have learned and putting it to the test and seeing what works and what does not. I have worked to get the staff to respect me, by just doing their job faster, more efficiently and giving praise when needed. I have been more focused on being positive at work and trying to get others around me to be the same way. I have made it a point that I don't want to hear, "the am people do this and the pm people do that". I quickly nip that talk in the butt.
With this new job there is new times. That is the biggest transformation that I am having a problem getting use to. I work 2 nights, 2 days off (not in a row) and three morning shifts. I am not at all use to that. It is taking me some time to adjust. I have to force myself to do better if I want to achieve my goals. I am working less hours but the time schedule is what is really messing me up. I have to develop better time management skills. I have to find that balance in my life between work and social. I am more aware of the out time even though I am not married to someone. I am more focused on my needs and wants and second guessing if I should open my mouth to do more. I am not going to lay all my cards on the table this early in the game. I am going to play slower and watch each move carefully. Become a better chess player per say.
In the time that has past me by since last July (almost a year)I have grown into such a different person. I am more vocal about my feelings and not just saying what the other person wants to hear. I am saying what ever it is that is on my mind, even if it hurts the other person. It is better to tell the truth than to lie and try to hide.
I have read more than ever in my life. I am trying to soak up enough knowledge to become a better chef. I am testing myself and pushing myself to think outside the box. I am reeducating myself on cooking. I have bought a book on chemistry and I am looking to buy a little chemistry set to start doing my own experiments with food on the molecular level. I am not looking to reinvent the wheel, but from what some of the books have talked about what chemist uses to do what a chef might use, the chemists way is FAR faster then the old chefs equipment can do.
The TV show, I am still working on, and I will do it. I have to, I love to educate people on food. It is so simple and yet people do not know how much of cooking is science. People do not realize that some of us chefs are MAD scientists, pushing the pressure cooker to new PSI! To see that person's eyes light up because they just figured out what was actually happening, that is priceless. There is nothing more rewarding to me than when someone realizes that cooking is an art form, a science, and yet we are not killing anyone at the end of the day (hopefully). Check out the new place Marriott palm beach Singer Island resort and spa. Check out Solu the restaurant, you will see some of me in that restaurant. Simple but elegant decor and the food, taste bud blowing. Give me a couple of days I will have more to write about. I want to go read more on molecular gastronomy now. Ciao for now and happy inventing!
With this new job there is new times. That is the biggest transformation that I am having a problem getting use to. I work 2 nights, 2 days off (not in a row) and three morning shifts. I am not at all use to that. It is taking me some time to adjust. I have to force myself to do better if I want to achieve my goals. I am working less hours but the time schedule is what is really messing me up. I have to develop better time management skills. I have to find that balance in my life between work and social. I am more aware of the out time even though I am not married to someone. I am more focused on my needs and wants and second guessing if I should open my mouth to do more. I am not going to lay all my cards on the table this early in the game. I am going to play slower and watch each move carefully. Become a better chess player per say.
In the time that has past me by since last July (almost a year)I have grown into such a different person. I am more vocal about my feelings and not just saying what the other person wants to hear. I am saying what ever it is that is on my mind, even if it hurts the other person. It is better to tell the truth than to lie and try to hide.
I have read more than ever in my life. I am trying to soak up enough knowledge to become a better chef. I am testing myself and pushing myself to think outside the box. I am reeducating myself on cooking. I have bought a book on chemistry and I am looking to buy a little chemistry set to start doing my own experiments with food on the molecular level. I am not looking to reinvent the wheel, but from what some of the books have talked about what chemist uses to do what a chef might use, the chemists way is FAR faster then the old chefs equipment can do.
The TV show, I am still working on, and I will do it. I have to, I love to educate people on food. It is so simple and yet people do not know how much of cooking is science. People do not realize that some of us chefs are MAD scientists, pushing the pressure cooker to new PSI! To see that person's eyes light up because they just figured out what was actually happening, that is priceless. There is nothing more rewarding to me than when someone realizes that cooking is an art form, a science, and yet we are not killing anyone at the end of the day (hopefully). Check out the new place Marriott palm beach Singer Island resort and spa. Check out Solu the restaurant, you will see some of me in that restaurant. Simple but elegant decor and the food, taste bud blowing. Give me a couple of days I will have more to write about. I want to go read more on molecular gastronomy now. Ciao for now and happy inventing!
2C
Well, it is off another wild adventure for me. I have a new job, I am out of the Country Club life and now in the Hotel life again. It is much different being in the hotel setting. There are a lot of outlets to manage,and the guests you have in front of you are only there a brief time. You have to really be on your A game to make that lasting positive impression with these types of people. Some are business people, some are families. It only takes a very small thing to turn their experience into a negative. There are so many opportunities to drop the ball. You may over order or under order in either cases it can bite you in the ass. I have challenged myself ever time I go into work, I push myself to the breaking point and then beyond. I am using everything I have learned to the test and seeing what works and what does not. I have worked to get the staff to respect me, by just doing their job faster, more efficiently and giving praise when needed. I have been more focused on being positive at work and trying to get the others around me to be the same way. I have made it a point that I don't want to hear, "the am people do this and the pm people do that". I quickly nip that talk in the butt.
With this new job there is new times. That is the biggest transformation that I am having a problem getting use to. I work 2 nights, 2 days off (not in a row) and three morning shifts. I am not at all use to that. It is taking me some time to adjust. I have to force myself to do better if I want to achieve my goals. I am working less hours but the time schedule is what is really messing me up. I have to develop better time management skills. I have to find that balance in my life between work and social. I am more aware of the out time even though I am not married to someone. I am more focused on my needs and wants and second guessing if I should open my mouth to do more. I am not going to lay all my cards on the table this early in the game. I am going to play slower and watch each move carefully. Become a better chess player per say.
In the time that has past me by since last July (almost a year)I have grown into such a different person. I am more vocal about my feelings and not just saying what the other person wants to hear. I am saying what ever it is that is on my mind, even if it hurts the other person. It is better to tell the truth than to lie and try to hide.
I have read more than ever in my life. I am trying to soak up enough knowledge to become a better chef. I am testing myself and pushing myself to think outside the box. I am reeducating myself on cooking. I have bought a book on chemistry and I am looking to buy a little chemistry set to start doing my own experiments with food on the molecular level. I am not looking to reinvent the wheel, but from what some of the books have talked about what chemist uses to do what a chef might use, the chemists way is FAR faster then the old chefs equipment can do.
The TV show, I am still working on, and I will do it. I have to, I love to educate people on food. It is so simple and yet people do not know how much of cooking is science. People do not realize that some of us chefs are MAD scientists, pushing the pressure cooker to new PSI! To see that person's eyes light up because they just figured out what was actually happening, that is priceless. There is nothing more rewarding to me than when someone realizes that cooking is an art form, a science, and yet we are not killing anyone at the end of the day (hopefully). Check out the new place Marriott palm beach Singer Island resort and spa. Check out Solu the restaurant, you will see some of me in that restaurant. Simple but elegant decor and the food, taste bud blowing. Give me a couple of days I will have more to write about. I want to go read more on molecular gastronomy now. Ciao for now and happy inventing!
With this new job there is new times. That is the biggest transformation that I am having a problem getting use to. I work 2 nights, 2 days off (not in a row) and three morning shifts. I am not at all use to that. It is taking me some time to adjust. I have to force myself to do better if I want to achieve my goals. I am working less hours but the time schedule is what is really messing me up. I have to develop better time management skills. I have to find that balance in my life between work and social. I am more aware of the out time even though I am not married to someone. I am more focused on my needs and wants and second guessing if I should open my mouth to do more. I am not going to lay all my cards on the table this early in the game. I am going to play slower and watch each move carefully. Become a better chess player per say.
In the time that has past me by since last July (almost a year)I have grown into such a different person. I am more vocal about my feelings and not just saying what the other person wants to hear. I am saying what ever it is that is on my mind, even if it hurts the other person. It is better to tell the truth than to lie and try to hide.
I have read more than ever in my life. I am trying to soak up enough knowledge to become a better chef. I am testing myself and pushing myself to think outside the box. I am reeducating myself on cooking. I have bought a book on chemistry and I am looking to buy a little chemistry set to start doing my own experiments with food on the molecular level. I am not looking to reinvent the wheel, but from what some of the books have talked about what chemist uses to do what a chef might use, the chemists way is FAR faster then the old chefs equipment can do.
The TV show, I am still working on, and I will do it. I have to, I love to educate people on food. It is so simple and yet people do not know how much of cooking is science. People do not realize that some of us chefs are MAD scientists, pushing the pressure cooker to new PSI! To see that person's eyes light up because they just figured out what was actually happening, that is priceless. There is nothing more rewarding to me than when someone realizes that cooking is an art form, a science, and yet we are not killing anyone at the end of the day (hopefully). Check out the new place Marriott palm beach Singer Island resort and spa. Check out Solu the restaurant, you will see some of me in that restaurant. Simple but elegant decor and the food, taste bud blowing. Give me a couple of days I will have more to write about. I want to go read more on molecular gastronomy now. Ciao for now and happy inventing!
Monday, June 7, 2010
2b
Irony, the section labeled 2b and that are what my thoughts are about today, why am I here what is the big picture for me. A friend just asked me about that, my answer " I am here to inspire, educate and amuse! That's it. I am more focused about the balance in my life. I left the Monarch just because I had none. I did not see the light At the end of the tunnel. In fact, it got darker and darker the further I looked down the rabbit hole. I decide to take the blue pill! Screw my matrix I want my dream! Enough writing about the when, time to start to write NOW! I have thought about a TV show idea and I think as well as others think it is a great idea! Now, I have to big goals in front of me now what. I have to become more in my effective use of my time. I have to schedule my whole day! To an extreme, like bathroom brakes food brakes and such! Without it I will become to focused at one thing and fail at the others. I have to brake these to huge goals and cut them from their primal cuts to much more basic cuts like beef tenderloin. I have don't have that much time to continue this point among the other thoughts that are flying around in this huge pot of dreams called my head. You see, this week at the end, one door will be closing and a new one is about to open. I leave the one with an open heart and mind, getting myself ready for the page I am about to write in my book of life. My friends ask if I am excited and I have to honestly say no not really. I am very cautious about my moves lately. I want to find a job that has balance with me and I with them. I really don't care about the hours as long as I get some time to recharge my life. IRS not all about the job anymore. It is about experiencing life, different things different cultures. Wither it would be here or another country. I have live my life not wait for it to happen. Time for me to pick up the paint brush or skillet and being to really cooking the cook! You the reader have the opportunity to push me along! I am going to challenge myself to blog more and on cheffrey's page on Facebook I am going to do more post. If I don't send me a message! Well I am off to my going away party at the beach! Yup, more time there as well, cheers!
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
2-A
Funny how life is. One moment you can be on top of your game and the next you are the worse piece of shit that has ever walked on this earth. I had an old boss that told me that you could design and build the golden gate bridge but if you suck one cock, you will always be known as a cock sucker! Profound words from a man that claims that he has been a millionaire several times in his life. My question to him should have been how many cocks have you sucked? This journey, this rebirth, this quest that I am on is not one of sadness, pain or loss it is simply a quest to become a better person.
Every person that is or has been in our lives has been there for some sort of reason. We do not know it at the time why they are there in the first place. It might be years later when we realize what the reason was. I have another friend that has been going through a rough patch. They were telling me tonight that they owe me a debt of gratitude for being there for them. That with out my support they would not have been able to get through this rough patch. My response was a simple one, I am just a tour guide showing or helping you on your way. It is friendship that is all it is. Then, I being to think about what that means. What not only what the words mean but what the action of that word means. I have had some rough patches myself, some friends have stayed and some have gone. Some I have had to cut ties with because of the unhealthy relationship. I have learned from all of my experiences. I have learned that friendship does not matter how long time has transpired, you pick up from where you have left off. That when your friend is in need you are there for them good or bad times. How do I know this, simple, I have a friend that I have known for over 37 years. He has been there for me in such a horrible time of need. He drove from North Carolina to South Florida to be there for me. When his mother passed on, it was like my own mother passing. I was there with out a question. It is an honor to have been there, it is honor to be his friend. But our relationship is more than that, I look at him as my brother that I never had. He has been there for such great times as well. He has been there for some really fucked up ones as well. Then there are the friends that you wonder, hum what ever happened to them. And along came facebook. Wow, the reconnection just keep on coming. I am so thankful for Facebook because it keeps me in touch with friends and family. I have friends that I have known since I was 6 or 7 and although time has past it is still just like yesterday.
Funny yet again, how some of you sit and read this and think either how sad or pathetic. Or, you might be thinking damn where the hell is his spell check and grammar check, you damn grammar nazi's! Then some of you sit there and laugh your asses off not only at the way I spell but at what I am saying. This blog is about my personal journey through what ever path g-d has for me. What my intentions are and I think I know what I need to do know to get there or their or they're you pick the right one. I know that every challenge I face or what ever the obstacle is that is in my path is to find balance in it. Look at it with the right eyes. Wait, that does not type right, what I mean is, hum lets see(excuse the pun). If the challenges you in a negative way, then it is the way you are looking at it. Simply change the way you look at things. Me sitting here and thinking about what son I might have had or my failed marriage does nothing but make me a cock sucker! Life is moving whether, or weather you like it or not. The more that we live in our past does nothing but make the future fly right by us. The only thing we can change is our path, our future, our view.
Yes, for the New Year you all could have made the resolution to be better human beings or better lovers or better ...What ever you did choose to do, ask yourself how many resolutions have you stuck to? Every obstacle that stands before can be either an attempt or hum whats that word again, oh yeah, QUIT! There are no such things as quitters, well now that I have read that again let me change something. There are such things as quitters but what you quit on is the difference. If you look at the obstacle and say nope I can't, well you can't. But what if you looked at it and said damn I am not afraid to try and fail so I can learn and that the next time I will know what to do. Not many of us do that at all. We all wallow in our shit when, well, the shit hits the fan. How many times or how many of you have said shit I need to learn from this I am done making these same mistakes over and over again. Just to find out that a couple of months goes by, and you are a cock sucker yet again. Something happens to you and BAM! WHAOS ME BOO HOO HOO. Hello, it is a test to see how you view what is happening to you. Next time something comes up and you feel that switch, you know that switch. The one that goes HEY FUCKER GAMES ON BAITCH! Check yourself first, control your mind. That reminds me, how many times do you say he/she did this and I ... We all sure give a lot of other people a lot of freaking power don't we. Awh emotions what a bitch, but that is a human trait, well at least for some of us.
My path has brought me to a learning path. I am absorbing and observing myself along with others. I am asking people that are close to me to tell me about me. Some of views may be in the shadows and our friends shine the light on them. I am finally realizing some of my issues (yes the LONG list not the cliff notes, thanx). But, here is the difference, I am trying to better myself as a human being. I see this cycle, this merry-go-fuck-me-round and changed my view! Is is like you being in a loud club or bar and you are telling that really embarrassing story or as you are about to let one rip, the music stops and everyone in an ear shot just heard. Instant clarity, but most would say to themselves or not, FUCK ME, that was embarrassing. Nope not I. That moment the light went on, like one of those really bright lights from the new cars headlight, wait off the subject...But that was the clarity that I got. Why I do certain things, and certain people's lives I want to model myself after. Being a great leader is not experience or knowledge, great leadership is some one that can have both and know how to use them effectively. It is also, working well under enormous pressure, leading by example, talking the walk and walking the talk!
Damn sorry the Buddhist Jew just came out of me on that one kids. Reflective is the mood today, and very proud that my team performed so well. But most of all, I am so fucking proud at how I performed. Not once did I lose my cool. I just kept telling myself, shut up cock sucker, and get it done ;)
I swear we will talk about cooking, one of these days, maybe :)
Every person that is or has been in our lives has been there for some sort of reason. We do not know it at the time why they are there in the first place. It might be years later when we realize what the reason was. I have another friend that has been going through a rough patch. They were telling me tonight that they owe me a debt of gratitude for being there for them. That with out my support they would not have been able to get through this rough patch. My response was a simple one, I am just a tour guide showing or helping you on your way. It is friendship that is all it is. Then, I being to think about what that means. What not only what the words mean but what the action of that word means. I have had some rough patches myself, some friends have stayed and some have gone. Some I have had to cut ties with because of the unhealthy relationship. I have learned from all of my experiences. I have learned that friendship does not matter how long time has transpired, you pick up from where you have left off. That when your friend is in need you are there for them good or bad times. How do I know this, simple, I have a friend that I have known for over 37 years. He has been there for me in such a horrible time of need. He drove from North Carolina to South Florida to be there for me. When his mother passed on, it was like my own mother passing. I was there with out a question. It is an honor to have been there, it is honor to be his friend. But our relationship is more than that, I look at him as my brother that I never had. He has been there for such great times as well. He has been there for some really fucked up ones as well. Then there are the friends that you wonder, hum what ever happened to them. And along came facebook. Wow, the reconnection just keep on coming. I am so thankful for Facebook because it keeps me in touch with friends and family. I have friends that I have known since I was 6 or 7 and although time has past it is still just like yesterday.
Funny yet again, how some of you sit and read this and think either how sad or pathetic. Or, you might be thinking damn where the hell is his spell check and grammar check, you damn grammar nazi's! Then some of you sit there and laugh your asses off not only at the way I spell but at what I am saying. This blog is about my personal journey through what ever path g-d has for me. What my intentions are and I think I know what I need to do know to get there or their or they're you pick the right one. I know that every challenge I face or what ever the obstacle is that is in my path is to find balance in it. Look at it with the right eyes. Wait, that does not type right, what I mean is, hum lets see(excuse the pun). If the challenges you in a negative way, then it is the way you are looking at it. Simply change the way you look at things. Me sitting here and thinking about what son I might have had or my failed marriage does nothing but make me a cock sucker! Life is moving whether, or weather you like it or not. The more that we live in our past does nothing but make the future fly right by us. The only thing we can change is our path, our future, our view.
Yes, for the New Year you all could have made the resolution to be better human beings or better lovers or better ...What ever you did choose to do, ask yourself how many resolutions have you stuck to? Every obstacle that stands before can be either an attempt or hum whats that word again, oh yeah, QUIT! There are no such things as quitters, well now that I have read that again let me change something. There are such things as quitters but what you quit on is the difference. If you look at the obstacle and say nope I can't, well you can't. But what if you looked at it and said damn I am not afraid to try and fail so I can learn and that the next time I will know what to do. Not many of us do that at all. We all wallow in our shit when, well, the shit hits the fan. How many times or how many of you have said shit I need to learn from this I am done making these same mistakes over and over again. Just to find out that a couple of months goes by, and you are a cock sucker yet again. Something happens to you and BAM! WHAOS ME BOO HOO HOO. Hello, it is a test to see how you view what is happening to you. Next time something comes up and you feel that switch, you know that switch. The one that goes HEY FUCKER GAMES ON BAITCH! Check yourself first, control your mind. That reminds me, how many times do you say he/she did this and I ... We all sure give a lot of other people a lot of freaking power don't we. Awh emotions what a bitch, but that is a human trait, well at least for some of us.
My path has brought me to a learning path. I am absorbing and observing myself along with others. I am asking people that are close to me to tell me about me. Some of views may be in the shadows and our friends shine the light on them. I am finally realizing some of my issues (yes the LONG list not the cliff notes, thanx). But, here is the difference, I am trying to better myself as a human being. I see this cycle, this merry-go-fuck-me-round and changed my view! Is is like you being in a loud club or bar and you are telling that really embarrassing story or as you are about to let one rip, the music stops and everyone in an ear shot just heard. Instant clarity, but most would say to themselves or not, FUCK ME, that was embarrassing. Nope not I. That moment the light went on, like one of those really bright lights from the new cars headlight, wait off the subject...But that was the clarity that I got. Why I do certain things, and certain people's lives I want to model myself after. Being a great leader is not experience or knowledge, great leadership is some one that can have both and know how to use them effectively. It is also, working well under enormous pressure, leading by example, talking the walk and walking the talk!
Damn sorry the Buddhist Jew just came out of me on that one kids. Reflective is the mood today, and very proud that my team performed so well. But most of all, I am so fucking proud at how I performed. Not once did I lose my cool. I just kept telling myself, shut up cock sucker, and get it done ;)
I swear we will talk about cooking, one of these days, maybe :)
Sunday, January 3, 2010
2
How fitting to change the Outline number for the New Year. What does it mean for a chef, plenty. In Florida, that is when season starts. That is when we do not see the light of day. We work no less then a 13 hour shift. We do not have days off. It puts a strain on what ever relationship you might have with someone. Or, It can destroy it. Right now, at this time, I am not in a relationship with anyone. I have been through a lot since the last post back in September 2009. I have moved on to another job. I am at a country club working as the executive chef. The parent company that owns us is all about the bottom line. But in today's economy who is not worried about it. It is crazy what is going on out there for the restaurant business. It is a bug company, a lot of room to advance. But, (and you knew there was going to be one of those in there)is this the right path. Recently, I found out some news about some one close to me. They are going through a life crisis and I am trying to see life through their eyes. I want to open my eyes. For how much longer will I be able to perform my job? I am 39, I have worked with guys that are in their sixties and still slinging shit. Do I want to be them? I always heard this one guy always say, "I do not need the money, I like what I do!" BULLSHIT than why did you take a paycheck if you didn't need the money? He worked cause he had to. While we worked together, one day he had a stroke not a bad one but bad enough. Do I really want to be him?
Back to relationships, I think I am realizing that the only true love I have is the restaurant business. There is nothing greater for me. No thrill more involved with so much emotions then when I am cooking. She has never done me wrong, she has always stood by me. She has never judged me, and she accepts me for who I really am. It would be tough for any woman to want to compete with that. But, there are, at least I think. The profession I love to do has the highest drug, alcohol and divorce rate than any other. Well, we flip flop back and forth with one other. I still think deep inside me that there is still hope out there. Maybe not for me but some other person to find "true love". I do not know if I will ever know what love is. My heart and my mind have been through a lot. I have caused a lot of pain as well, and my heart is heavy with that guilt as well. I have found out that I was once a father. That for five years I was told that he was lost, g-d's choice. I recently found that for five years that was not the truth. I found out that it was a human choice. I am not here to judge any one about the choice that they make. It was what g-d intended to happen. Yet there is some more details that are there that I can not talk about. But, what really keeps popping in my mind, "do I really want a child now at this time in my life." Then I think, who the hell is going to put up with my freaking hours. Then on to "no I can't make it to their function so and so called out I have to stay!" My ex wife always use to kid, "if I do get pregnant, He will end up getting stuck at the restaurant when the baby is due!" Balance = the big mystery....How do we find that balance to do what is right for those involved? How do you find that balance as a couple with or without kids? And if there are kids, then how do you not loose yourself at the same time? Life was SO MUCH easier when we were younger, at least for some of us.
The dilemma now, what am I suppose to do? I love what I do! I think I am pretty good at what I do, I am not the best and there are so many things I must learn. I want to push myself to be the best that I can be. But can I do this type of work when I am 70? What about 50?
So, this New Years, I have to reflect on my love, my passion and worse of all my finances. I have to budget myself so that I will not have to work when I should be relaxing. "Put the 90 hour work weeks in now so that when we are ... it is time to relax"! So, I have to better myself, become the best that I can be. Learn, grow, question and experience what I need to. Most of all, attack my fears head on first. The greater the challenge the greater the reward!
I guess next time maybe I will not be the Buddhist Chef, and I will just be a chef. We then all can chime in on our experiences with food and recipes. Happy 2010 to all!
Back to relationships, I think I am realizing that the only true love I have is the restaurant business. There is nothing greater for me. No thrill more involved with so much emotions then when I am cooking. She has never done me wrong, she has always stood by me. She has never judged me, and she accepts me for who I really am. It would be tough for any woman to want to compete with that. But, there are, at least I think. The profession I love to do has the highest drug, alcohol and divorce rate than any other. Well, we flip flop back and forth with one other. I still think deep inside me that there is still hope out there. Maybe not for me but some other person to find "true love". I do not know if I will ever know what love is. My heart and my mind have been through a lot. I have caused a lot of pain as well, and my heart is heavy with that guilt as well. I have found out that I was once a father. That for five years I was told that he was lost, g-d's choice. I recently found that for five years that was not the truth. I found out that it was a human choice. I am not here to judge any one about the choice that they make. It was what g-d intended to happen. Yet there is some more details that are there that I can not talk about. But, what really keeps popping in my mind, "do I really want a child now at this time in my life." Then I think, who the hell is going to put up with my freaking hours. Then on to "no I can't make it to their function so and so called out I have to stay!" My ex wife always use to kid, "if I do get pregnant, He will end up getting stuck at the restaurant when the baby is due!" Balance = the big mystery....How do we find that balance to do what is right for those involved? How do you find that balance as a couple with or without kids? And if there are kids, then how do you not loose yourself at the same time? Life was SO MUCH easier when we were younger, at least for some of us.
The dilemma now, what am I suppose to do? I love what I do! I think I am pretty good at what I do, I am not the best and there are so many things I must learn. I want to push myself to be the best that I can be. But can I do this type of work when I am 70? What about 50?
So, this New Years, I have to reflect on my love, my passion and worse of all my finances. I have to budget myself so that I will not have to work when I should be relaxing. "Put the 90 hour work weeks in now so that when we are ... it is time to relax"! So, I have to better myself, become the best that I can be. Learn, grow, question and experience what I need to. Most of all, attack my fears head on first. The greater the challenge the greater the reward!
I guess next time maybe I will not be the Buddhist Chef, and I will just be a chef. We then all can chime in on our experiences with food and recipes. Happy 2010 to all!
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