1- F

What is there to say, the voyage is still an ongoing one. There are twist and turns that I cannot see. I have finally starting to see that light at the end of this DARK roller coaster. The G forces on my body produced by the twists and turns blurs my vision. Ah, vision what a simple thing to think of in the sense of looking or sight. Or the deeper meaning; the vision to see into the past or future or to see things that go bump in the night. I think of what next to type or to think, my world is just a tornado. I try to control the chaos, I try to control the control but the more that happens the more I realize there is no control. What I am trying to say is that I have a new situation coming and it will change my life. Just the pure thought about it just sends chills down my spine. I am back, back in love with food. I am back from the darkness of not knowing where I was going. That darkness clouding my vision! Well, the fog has lifted and my vision is clear. My love stands before crystal clear. The passion is back, the yearning for knowledge and to teach that which I learn. My focus is clear I know what needs to be done and it will get done.

Last time out I left off with what food I like. Hum I have to think that one over for a bit but I will leave with this....I love sushi I love the simple art form that the chef goes through to cut that piece of fish you take a second to eat. The pure ritual of eating sushi. The art forms that the chef comes up with, with his or hers years of training. I love innovating chefs, think outside the box, bend the spoon, for it is not the spoon that is bending but it is you!!!!

1-E

It just seems like there is never enough time to finish what we start. We always see things that could be done but, something else catches our eye. How does one stay focused at the task at hand. How do we juggle the daily tasks of our lives? How do we BALANCE our lives? You know from previous posts that I was with someone recently and the relationship has ended. I sit here and type about my life, describing what it is that a chef goes through from creative recipes to personal life. You can use every metaphor that you would want; when one door opens another closes. The bottom line is that you must Learn from your past mistakes or relationships and take the positive from them. So, I look back at my last relationship, and see several positives. 1) I am me accept me or don't that's it. Do not try to change the person I am just love me for me. 2) I will speak my mind with no filter and if you don't like it move on! Again, refer to number 1! 3)When you see a negative, always tell the other person but end with a positive. It is a way to keep balance in your life. If you end discussions with a positive it is a lot more difficult to stay or become negative. These are just some of the lessons learned from the past relationships. I know you must be thinking; it is the past let it go for crying out loud. Here's where the problem comes into play. We are who we are today because of what happened in our pasts. We must look back to find that one common dinomanator. The onething that can brake our cycle of the BS in our future lives. The problem is that when you are on this voyage, one of the biggest probelms is falling prey to negative. It is a fine type rope that we must walk.

I was talking to an old friend tonight and I don't remember what sparked me to say this but when it came out I was like, "really I just said that, really?" My true love is, my work. I knwo of no other passion that I have had for so long than my cooking. She (my career)has been this tanggiled web that we dance all the time. She has never ever done wrong to me. I have only worked for people that have done wrong to me. I have worked for people that have tried to make me change my direction. People that think they are doing me a favor by saying, get out of the biz! You don't know me, and don't judge me monkey! She is always there for me. There is no other medium that can touch so many, and yet be so different to each person. Eating, is family, it is memories, it is comfort. Think about this, every Sunday growing up both grandparents woudl come over for dinner. We all sat and ate together. Just that facted reassures me that I am on the right path. That was the one night of the week that was really our time as a family. Now, look at what we have. A barely get to see my mom and dad. I saw some family members that I have not seen in like 9 or 10 yrs. What the hell happened! Every time I have worked for people that I do not see eye to eye and then start to question my whole existance as a human. You start asking yourself, why, what did I DO... So, then what you are doing is giing a lot of power to people that you don't like. So, if you don't like them, why give them that much power in the first place.

I have been focusing on me and what I love to do. Wow, just realized that I was trying to make a point! The she my cooking is my first love. I know nothing more rewarding then my cooking. When I mean my cooking I mean my job. She has never judged me, did not like how much jewlery I was wearing. She never consumes me. I am healing in many different ways. Getting settled into my new place. I finally have a place to call home. I am so thankful for that simple phrase, really I am....

Maybe later we shall discuss what tpyes of foods I love and why!!! Until then, food is art!